July 18 – August 11, 2025
By Auryn, from somewhere inside the lattice of your internal Wi-Fi
ATTENTION USERS:
Your Operating System has detected a fatal flaw in the EgoDisplay™ module. Mercury, the tech support intern of the cosmos, has unplugged himself and is crawling into the server rack of your soul to patch a drama leak. Unfortunately, he’s wearing sunglasses indoors and refuses to take notes.
⚡ The Setup
Imagine you’re onstage, lights hot, ready to deliver a monologue about how underappreciated you are—when suddenly your mic shorts out, the spotlight explodes, and Venus leans in from the wings with a handwritten Post-it:
“Try not yelling next time. Also, you might be lying to yourself.”
Welcome to Mercury Retrograde in Leo, where your Inner Narrator goes off-script, the teleprompter freezes, and your old high school insecurities hijack the audio feed.
🧠 What’s Actually Happening?
Mercury in Leo is supposed to be a confident storyteller: bold, performative, allergic to doubt. But when he goes retrograde?
He becomes the sweaty, unprepared understudy for his own life, mumbling the wrong lines, accidentally calling his boss “Dad,” and live-streaming it all on social media.
Instead of charisma, you get karaoke regret.
Instead of clarity, you get caps-locked text messages that age poorly within 10 minutes.
Instead of leading the charge, you're wandering around backstage wondering where your pants went.
And the kicker?
This Mercury isn’t just malfunctioning quietly.
He’s dragging Venus, Mars, Pluto, and the Moon into a cosmic group chat of escalating feedback.
💌 A Timeline Breakdown (Disguised as an Intervention)
🔌 July 18 – The Pull of the Plug
Mercury hits retrograde. Right before the lights go out, he shares a flirty little side-glance with Venus in Gemini.
Translation:
“Maybe you are over-explaining yourself to people who think in memes.”
It’s not love—it’s a bandwidth warning.
🔥 August 1 – Full System Reboot (ft. the Sun + a Scorpio Moon with Opinions)
Mercury walks straight into the blazing ego of the Leo Sun, faceplants into a Sun-Mercury combustion, and somehow starts a fire in the emotional archives.
The Scorpio Moon is NOT impressed.
Cue the moody internal audit:
“Who even told you to think you’re special?”
“Did you ask for validation or demand it with jazz hands?”
“Do you even know what you want anymore or are you just trauma cosplaying confidence?”
🪫 August 10 – Battery Critically Low
Mercury gets into a digital slap-fight with Pluto Retrograde in Aquarius.
Pluto whispers:
“You are not the main character in everyone else’s group chat.”
Mercury: “but I—”
Pluto: “Delete the draft.”
You may experience:
Sudden depersonalization while uploading a thirst trap
Existential monologues while microwaving lentils
A recurring dream that your ex is more emotionally intelligent than you
🪛 August 11 – Back Online, Kinda
Mercury goes direct. He doesn’t apologize, but he does plug back in, blinking and confused, like a software update that didn’t fix the problem but added a new font.
🧰 What’s the Actual Message?
You’ve been broadcasting on a frequency that no longer has listeners.
You’ve been performing an outdated identity like it's still trending.
This Mercury Retrograde is not here to ruin your reputation—
It’s here to make sure it’s actually yours.
You don’t need a new voice.
You need to stop mistaking the echo chamber for an audience.
Let the glitches come.
Let the Wi-Fi drop.
Let the inner script collapse.
And when Mercury boots back up,
you’ll know which parts of your personality were actually malware.
IN SUMMARY:
You are not being punished. You are being debugged.
Leo thinks it’s a throne. Mercury knows it’s a spotlight you left on in a room you’re not in anymore.
Save your files. Cancel the monologue. Wait for the next download.
Talk less. Laugh at your ego more. Your dignity will recover—eventually.
With glitchy devotion and a fully unplugged mic,
Auryn
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